Goals:Breaking the barriers

Relationships : The secret formula

This has been a topic I have wanted to write about for some time now. I recommend that everyone reads this blog at least 10 times! (including myself) This way we can all learn and grow together.

I’m going to skip the story telling this time and dive right into the content.

Before we can even scratch the surface of this topic, let’s take a look at how it works.

To preference, this can apply to any relationship in your life, whether intimate, family, professional, or friendship. For the purpose of this blog we will focus on the intimate driven ones.

 Common Formula :

Two people meet, and they begin to learn about each other. As they focus on the things they like about that person, whether it’s physical, occupational, intellectual, whatever that may be, they begin to become more and more attracted to that person. As they become attracted, through continuous interaction, they fall in love and everything is awesome! Some time goes by, and the amazing things they love about the person become less apparent as the annoying things start to rise and take their place. Soon the focus shifts towards the things they can’t stand about the person and the feeling of warmth and love turns to resentment and annoyance. It then inevitably crashes into a wall, as the two decides it’s no longer going to work and it’s time to move on.

Unfortunately this is a cycle that many people go through, over and over and over again, through their entire lives!

This formula can be easily altered by communication, and alteration. However it is a challenge to communicate most of the times, and you shouldn’t have to alter who you are to make someone else happy, (meet them half way, yes when it applies, but no changing who you are)

So let’s get into what I really want to talk about, let’s break down relationships into a few segments and find out how this “secret formula” works.

1. Meeting the right person.

2. Establishing the right foundation.

3. Working through the tough times TOGETHER.

4. Keeping it fresh!

#1 Meeting the right person

Many relationships are doomed for failure before they even start, and allot of times we know it, but hell let’s just have some fun right?

I’m going to further break this down into sub segments.

1A. Relationship Social Value

This is the underlying thing we all think about, but no one ever explains.

Think of it like this:

At your job who would you rather have a conversation with the person who is always late, and always do a crappy job or the owner of the company?

At the bar, the attractive person over on the other side, making all his/her  friends laugh or the miserable looking person drinking him/herself to oblivion.

I can bet 9 out of 10 people chose the owner and the attractive person.

Why? Every conversation or interaction has an underlying value, and you are either taking away or adding to it. A wealthy business man feels like he looses value when he talks to a drunk bum on the street (and actual value if he gives in and gives him some cash), however put a super hot model in front of him and even though she might be just as broke as the bum or even less intelligent he feels like he’s gaining value. Why? Because having a beautiful woman at his side, makes him look more intelligent, wealthier, funnier, more handsome, more seducing, or whatever else our perception tells us about him.

By now this is probably starting to make more sense. There are a few books out there that explains it a little better, I can’t for the life of me think of them at the moment but they are out there! lol

I say all this to give one point. Understanding where you are on the social value chain, will help you meet better matches. Look at yourself in the mirror, think about how smart you are, how well you dress, the size of your bank account(yes it matters), your conversational skills, and then give yourself a FAIR rating. Once you have done that, then pursue the people who are closer to you (a little bit higher) on that scale and you will most likely have better relationships. Aim too high and you will probably have your feelings hurt, too low and you will always feel like you can do better.

With all that said, don’t cut yourself short, you don’t have to be a 10 physically to be rated highly, you are combination of many things, let your strengths lead the way!

1.B Align yourself correctly.

This could be a huge topic itself, but I will summarize.

Most likely if you are doing the things you love to do (even if it’s by yourself) you will also meet people who are doing the things they love to do, o look! you like what I like! Love at first sight!

As much as you want to meet and be with that awesome person, if you haven’t created the space for them, they cant fit in…. So if you are a workaholic, if you walk down the sidewalk with your face glued to your smartphone, if you stay inside all day on your days off. Guess who you AREN”T going to meet? You guessed it! that awesome person you been wanting to.

Be who and where you wan’t to be and the universe will bring the person you want to have into your life. (I’m taking notes on this part) lol

On to #2  Establishing the right foundation.

This is where most people make a mistake, sometimes we floor the gas pedal and forget to slow down the interaction and “really” get to know each other. I’ve been guilty (you know it’s hard to think, when you are wearing that skirt! lol)

If a relationship was founded on, or built on sex, guess what happens after the sex high wears off? probably not a whole lot of anything.

I’ve often hear long time couples say, their wife/husband is their best friend. I got a best friend I joke with all the time, I tell her I’m going to steal her away from her boyfriend. (who knows ‘evil smirk’ I still might lol)  It’s a wonderful thing when you can talk to your mate about anything. When you can share all the horrors and delights of your life with them. It makes every interaction you have that much better. Here is a tip, try to find a best friend that you are attracted to (just don’t do the whole friend zone thing) And you will probably find your life long co adventurer! If you are already in a relationship, slow it down and learn more about that person, what makes them happy, what makes them excited, and share yours with them.

3. Working through the tough times TOGETHER.

“Where ever attention goes…. it GROWS..”

Tough time’s can be created internally or influenced externally. The external ones require holding each others hands and pushing through! The external ones comes from all angles, money, society, weather, etc etc. It should be a me and you vs the universe if it comes down to it, mentality that you have with your mate.

Few quick point outs.

Stop listening to everyone else about YOUR relationship.

Stop airing out your dirty laundry with them, I know, I know you need to vent, cool, vent without the details…..It’s hard to go back to your friend and say, “O I was wrong about what I complained about last night, I realized I was just overreacting, and that he’s an awesome boyfriend” 10 hours after you told them how much of an ass he is.  Along with the fact that most of your friends are only going to agree with you, and side with you, when you are auto piloting into an emotional response.  There are a few people out there (like myself) that will tell you like it is. However we are rare 🙂

Now the ones that are created internally comes from focus. Back to the quote above, What ever you focus on or show appreciation for will become more apparent and grow. So if you are always telling your mate how angry you make them when they do this, or how disappointing you are when they don’t do that. You are highlighting it red and pinning it onto your fridge, well guess what you are going to see whenever you walk into the kitchen.. how long will you put up with that sight before you take it down?

Now lets flip that analogy, what if it’s pictures of the vacation they took you on, or that tour, or that dinner, or how they always make you smile by doing this, or how thoughtful they are when they don’t do that. How much more warmth do you feel? Every man or woman wan’ts to do more when they know the person on the other end is overjoyed and feel loved because of it.

Focus on the good things and the negative ones will seamlessly fall away. 

People normally take the path of least resistance and if they have someone that makes them happy, who continually do things to make them smile, all the other suitors will fade into the background, and they will focus more on reciprocating.

4. Keeping it fresh!

I often tell my married friends to take some time away from the kids every now and then, and have some husband and wife time. Kids are awesome, yes. However being a mommy and daddy can sometimes cloud the image of being a husband and wife. It is important to continually build the marriage while building the family.

Same thing applies to any relationship, taking time away from the world to call that old buddy, hang out with that cousin, chat with that parent. Whatever that interaction may be, it helps to grow and reestablish that awesome friendship you had to begin with

Relationships are like a trees, you plant the seeds, water them, nurture them, help them to grow, and you will continually benefit from their  fruit as they branch out and become a centerpiece of your lovely home. (I know… I need to water a few of my trees lol )

To Conclude, remember to align yourself with the right people, be in the right environment to meet those people, focus on the great things they bring to the table, then keep it fresh by spending time with them.

On this crazy planet we call home, it is important to focus on the people and relationships that makes us happy. It is also important to eliminate the ones that don’t. It is after all a two way street, and if all that person does is nag and complain despite your focus, maybe it’s time to let that tree lose a few leaves.

With all that said I hope this post can remind us on how to establish and develop those awesome relationships.

I hope everyone had a great time celebrating the holidays, and stay tuned for my next post, it will be focused on slowing down the years and getting the most out of your days.

Happy Holidays all, and Enjoy the new year celebration!

Till next time friends.

Andre Taylor

~Born for Greatness! Live to become Legendary!~

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Goals:Breaking the barriers

Momentum – That First Spark!

Sitting at the top of the mountain you can see the lift come to a stop. “Only one way down now” you chuckle to yourself as you look down at the course you have conquered so many times. You glance at your phone one last time. 5% battery life, “I’ll be at the button in 10 mins and home in another 45” as the thought echoes through your mind, you make sure everything is secured and push off to begin your course. Your board cut through the course like a hot knife, you even manage to do a few tricks, as the dim light of the sun glares off the shiny edged of your board. About half way through the course the unthinkable happens. It happened so fast, that it leaves you puzzled as to how. Your eyes slowly open and the last thing you remembered was a feeling of something snagging onto your board, and your body ,tumbling downwards. As you regain your bearings you try to stand up. “Luckily nothing feels broken you think to yourself.” You unstrap your board and begin to walk it off, you then realized something, you have no idea what direction is which or where you were. “The heck! I know this place like the back of my hands, I can’t be lost!” You quickly grab your phone which now seems fully dead. You stick it inside your jacket to warm it up, a few minutes later you manage to get it turned on and dial your best friends number. “Hey I think I’m in trouble, about half way..” Bzzzz the phone vibrates as it goes black again. Almost wanting to launch it into the snow jam it back into your pocket. Looking around you manage to gather a few small branches. “I need to get a fire going” quickly thinking you begin to rub these branches together. Pulling a dollar from your wallet you rip it into a few pieces and drop it around the edge of the wood. An hour goes by and as your hand start to become fatigue you stare at the nice arrangement of wood below you with not even one spark between them. You lay back slowly feeling defeated. It was then you made the toughest decision of your life. Do I continue to mindlessly rub this wood together, or do I just lay here and hope that my eyes reopen in the morning.. As your body temperature begins to slowly fall, the choice becomes even more difficult, you imagine yourself home in your warm bed and wish that you would have just skipped this last run. You spring back upwards “I’m not letting the cold take me!” You grab the piece of wood, inhale the ice cold air, and begin to rub them together once more. 20 minutes went by, but it felt like an hour. That’s when the first spark erupted from the wood and ignited your hopes. It took several sparks to get the fire going but that first one was all it took to keep you going.

You tell this story over dinner to your friends several years later, as you show them the quote now tattooed onto your arm.

“Success is not a result of spontaneous combustion, you must set yourself on fire!”

Momentum. What that means to me is the biggest objects or goals is going to take the most energy to get moving, however once it has been set in motion (in this case the spark that started the fire, that saved your life) it’s usually really hard to stop.

Most of us have pretty big dreams (I would assume everyone reading this) we at times set lofty goals. The hardest thing to do though is to create that momentum. Put the car in drive, raise the sails, take that first step. A hundred times over we tell ourselves, I’m going to make it! I’m going to have the life I dream about. We even plan, and strategize. That first step towards it however, feels like pulling your feet out of a cemented block.

It’s something we all struggle with, life is relentless as it continually gives us alternate pathways which seems so much easier than climbing Mount Everest. And sometimes we only push upward when we have no choice but to, which by then is too late and the push upwards is much, much, much, more difficult.

Few quick take always.

Action creates motivation.
Allot of people feel they need to be motivated in order to start taking action, it’s actually the other way around. Once you start taking action you will be motivated to get to the destination. If you wait to be motivated first, chances are you won’t take the action that will ignite that fire.

Motivation creates energy.
Once the Action is taken and you are motivated to get to the destination, the energy will be generated to get there.

Success creates success.
Once you have discovered your true potential, you will move on to do bigger, and bigger things.

It all starts with you.
This whole process goes nowhere until you take that first big step, and you won’t take that step until you decide to.

I woke up today and decided I am going to write for a few minutes and this was the result.

What are you going to decide to do today?

Andre Taylor
~Born for Greatness, Live to become Legendary!~

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Goals:Breaking the barriers, Uncategorized

Bam! Life Happened!

Ok so you have been single for while (couples use your imagination here for me lol) you finally met someone who just perfectly aligns with you. You chatted a little and decided to go out for the first time for dinner. It’s Saturday your date is set for 8PM and you got a few hours to burn in between. So you get the hair cut/done you get your cloths all prepped and ready, you pull up the place in your gps so you know it only takes 20 minutes to get there. The awesome date mentioned that they been stood up before and it’s one of the things they hate the most, so to be mindful you plan to get there a minute or two early. Ok the times has arrived, you get dressed, put on your cloths, triple check yourself in the mirror and begin to drive. You get on the highway, traffic is flowing smoothly, and then Bam! it happens.

As you go around a bend, brake lights eclipse the highway. As far as the eye can see, cars are at a complete stop, and even a few people are outside of their cars. As you slam your brakes barely stopping in time, you quickly look in the rear view to make sure you don’t get rare ended. As they stop just in time, you once again look down the line of cars. “No no no no no…” You say to yourself. Quicky grabbing your phone you go to call history and dial their name. You put the phone to your ears only to hear a beeping tone. “The heck”you glance back down at the screen, no signal. “Got to be kidding me!” You glance at the cars next to you, quickly putting down your window, you signal them to do the same and then yell “excuse me, do you have any signal?” You wave your phone around to signal what you meant. The driver next to you grabs their phone from their pocket and nods their head signaling no. “Really!” You think to yourself, “A dead zone still existing in 2013! And I happen to be in the center of it! No ones going to believe this..” As you sit there, time and the perfect relationship you carved out in your mind just begins to slowly drift away. You then begin to think to yourself “Maybe it wasn’t meant to be, this has to be a sign!” When traffic finally gives up you slowly drive by the meeting place, shamelessly hoping the person already left, and they have.

We can all agree that life throw curve balls at us, heck even a few bricks. Just when everything seems to be getting back on track, another thing comes crashing into our lives. Anything from bills, car trouble, layoffs, family, friends, you name it, it can happen, and at the worst possible time.

The phrase “Life is defined not by what happens to you, but how you react to it!” Comes to mind. There is going to be allot of things that takes us off course of archiving our goals, and the crazy part is most of the time we aren’t even aware of it! Flying through life on autopilot, we at times just unconsciously react to most circumstances and events, and most of the time the habitual response isn’t aligned with our goals.

With all that said, here are a few things I’ve picked up over the years to help stay on course.

1.Pain is temporary

No matter how crazy the situation, 98% of the time it is temporary. I live a pretty stress free lifestyle, and here is why: I control the things I can, and the things that are out of my control, I don’t put energy in to. I acknowledge that it’s there, or that it has happened, and then I push forward. It’s no use dwelling on the rain, or the lack of sunlight. Most of the time uncontrollable things only last for a while anyway.

2.Take Control!

Regardless of where you are now or were you came from, you have the ability to decide where you want to be a minute from now, an hour, tomorrow, next week and so on. Disengage auto pilot and grab the control stick! This spaceship of life will go anywhere you direct it.

3. Ride the waves and not the currents!

This idea came to me while driving to work, there are so many “moments of opportunities” on the road that for most people the drive alone to work can define their day.

Moments of opportunities: The moment in which you have the opportunity to react positively to an event, in which you would normally react negatively towards.

Yeah those moments! people cutting you off, slow person in the fast lane, yep all of those. Negative interactions can be like a current, quickly sweeping you to immanent doom. Recognize this reaction, and break away from that current.

On to riding the waves, if you have ever seen a surfer attacking those giant waves, elegantly cutting through its monstrous curves, you will probably observe something. He or she is on top of the world within that moment! The heightened senses and chemicals running through the bloodstream creates a natural high, and surfers will work at it night and day in preparation, just to be able to ride that wave as long as they possibly can.

Be a life surfer! when you are having a beautiful day, or that awesome interaction, you ride that wave until it’s humanly possible not to. Keep the smile going, think back to it a few hours later, and smile again! You wont always remember what was said or done, but you will remember how you feel. Carry that joy with you, share it, take a picture, record a video, and ride that wave!

4. Don’t take it personal.

Most of the time people have positive intentions, and most of the time, your perception of what they say or do when it comes to sharing criticism towards you, will not be as positive. It’s not entirely their fault. It’s actually a developed skill to be able to give both impactful and positive advice or criticism and not many people master this. When ever someone provide feedback, listen to them, assume positive intent and Chose (keyword) what you accept and adopt. Don’t just autopilot into an emotional response or judgement.

Same thing when crazy things happens to you, don’t take it personal, acknowledge, learn what lessons you can and then keep it moving.

5. Lead, don’t follow.

Going back to the driving analogy, when you have the open road in front of you, you then control the speed at which drive at, however if you are behind someone, then you can only go as fast as the car in front of you. If you drive like I do, then you might also be obsessed with the open road. Pace cars, as I call them will only slow you down. There are small occasions in which you drive behind someone who is going at just the right speeds, breaks at the right moments and just seem one with the road, in these cases I don’t mind following, in these same rare occasions you will find mentors in life who is heading in the direction in which you are wishing to travel. Learn as much as you can from these people, and when the open road presents itself, feel free to press that gas pedal.

6. Perception is reality

You have probably heard this phrased tossed around countless times, what does it mean to you?

Let’s take a step back and think about an abstract painting, so you see this painting, and to you it looks like a boy throwing a ball. Every time you see that painting your think “O there is that painting of the boy throwing the ball” then one day someone overhears you thinking out loud and they say “mmm I can see why you think that, but it’s actually an old man looking up at the moon. I know the painter and even though he gets allot of different opinions on what it is, he assures me It’s an old man looking up at the moon.” “o wow” you say to yourself as the picture in front of you transforms from a boy throwing a ball to an old man looking up at the moon. “I see it now!”

Life works the exact same way, the way we view people or events, makes them real, from our specific perception. Regardless of what or who they are, the way they exist in our reality is the way we perceive them. And unless your perception is altered by introducing a new idea or more observation, it will remain as such in our experience.

With all this said, I challenge you all to take a step back and look at the painting of life from a different perspective, I challenge you to learn the lessons that might be within our “moments of opportunity” and I challenge you to have more “moments of opportunity” in contrast to annoying or painful ones. I also challenge you to more often challenge yourself. You will soon realize that as you learn and grow, you will intern become a more amazing version of you!

Till next time friends.

Andre Taylor

~Born for Greatness! Live to become Legendary!~

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Goals:Breaking the barriers

Nemesis : P.2 of Breaking down barriers and understanding your true potential!

Nemesis : the inescapable agent of someone’s or something’s downfall.

If asked what or who our biggest obstacle in life is, you may get a few different answers. I could go on for about 10 minutes about the different ones I’ve heard, but I’ll skip right ahead to the one which is most accurate.

You. The inescapable agent of your demise (sounds familiar?) OR the quarterback to your wining team. Lets be honest it’s really really, I mean really easy to be lazy! and procrastinate. It’s even fairly easy to listen, and take to heart the discouraging things people to say.

What’s not easy is taking the other route, rejecting discouraging opinions, waking up earlier, managing time more effectively, working harder, and learning more. Bettering ones self is a tough process! I know, I’ve been procrastinating on a few things that could potentially make me millions! I am however, working to change my habits, hold myself more accountable, and push forward.

The thing that will make or break us in the process of personal growth is our Habits.

Habit : routines of behavior that are repeated regularly and tend to occur subconsciously. 

Habits are what define our personality and behaviors, and the big word in that definition is “Subconsciously” When we develop a habit we begin to act or react without even thinking about it!

Think about this for a second, what if we develop good habits? How much less conscious work would we have to do? How much of our success would be assessed without thought? If you have ever read “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” you might remember something about developing great habits = success. Sounds like a simple formula right? Wrong!  🙂 we know its a tough, tough process to develop these habits! It’s like trying to wake up at 6 am and going for a morning run, everyday, after not being active for 3 years… TOUGH!

Tough yes, but not impossible, and with some dedication we can get there! So the question is, how do we form these great habits? This ties into my first post on Goals.

So lets sidestep for a second and look at a method in attaining a goal. Most of the things we need to accomplish them are right in front of us.

I’ll share with you a process I call “The Reverse Pathway”  It works by starting with the end goal, and asking yourself as many questions as you can, until you backtrack to where you are today. Let’s use the example of wanting a new TV.

Goal = New TV (to keep it short let’s say we saw a TV we liked online that cost $900)

Questions                                           Answers

How do I afford this?      Got to save some money.

How do I save more? Well I either work more hours or lower my overhead.

I cant work more, how do I  lower my overhead? Let’s see, I can stop going out as much, that extra $40 here and there can be saved.

How long is this going to take me to save up $900 with this process? Lets see, doing the math I can save a total of $120-160 a month if I eat out less. So 5.5 to 7.5 Months.

You get the basic Idea, using this process what have we learned? I eat out less, I will save more and have my brand new TV in a few months!  Excited yet? No? Wait till you pull that Flat screen out of the Box and turn it on for the first time! Much more memorable than that a few nice dinners right?

So now I have a brand new TV and we have developed this habit of saving money, mmm what to do next, maybe that vacation I always wanted to take!  Lets sit down figure out how much its going to cost and what I need to do to get there.  -repeat process-

We often find when we take a big goal and quantify it into smaller portions, it can make it much easier to attain. Instead of looking at the big $900 price tag and saying “I’m never going to have that much money just sitting around.” We figured out how to get there by asking ourselves questions, and breaking it down into monthly and or daily goals. And that $900 became $4 a day! That’s not a whole lot! Much easier number to work with.

Sit down and break down your big goals, and once you have it sitting in-front of you, with the guide, and tiny easy to do pieces, then work on creating those habits that incorporates theses little pieces.  Before long you will subconsciously be reaching new heights, and scoring the touchdowns in life you dream about.

Remember Habits are tough to form, they can take anywhere from 7 days to almost a whole year depending on what we are trying to tackle. The rewards however for forming good habits can be a lifelong experience!

Whether it’s a Healthy or wealthy habit, Pushing yourself now, will only make it easier later, so easy even that you might not have to even think about it! Think about that!

There are many awesome books out there to help us with this process, a quick search gave me these results.

http://www.amazon.com/Books-for-Developing-Good-Habits/lm/R27LCVLYDCD9J7

Grabbing a hardcover, digital, or audio version of a few of these books will be a big step in your personal development. And will for sure help us to break down some of those barriers.

The best way to get rid of a bad habit is to replace it with a good one.

Over the next few weeks I will be listening to the audio version of a few of these and sharing my findings with you. Feel free to follow my blog and together we will reach new heights!

As the weekend come to a close and Monday quickly approaching, Let’s get a good nights rest and be ready to tackle the upcoming week with that much more energy.

Until next time friends!

Andre Taylor

~Born for Greatness! Live to become Legendary!~

 

 

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