Goals:Breaking the barriers

Fear : Cancer of the Mind.

Fear is like a cancer, it begins in the mind, seeps into our bloodstream, pumps out to our muscles, weakens our lungs, amputates our will, impales our courage, and desolates our chances at achieving success.

 Have you ever worked with someone you were highly attracted to? You pass them in the hallway and blushingly smile at them. You gaze at them through the corner of your eyes, and even visualize being out on a date with them. You have had countless opportunities to speak to that person, and get to know them, but that nagging voice in the back of your head holds you back. “What if they are seeing someone? What if they don’t like me? What if it makes things weird? What if I mess it up? What if ____?”

I’ve been guilty of this before. It’s never an easy thing to face your fears and shoot for the stars.

Fear of of Rejection, Failure, Discomfort, Pain, and even Fear of Success, prevents us from even attempting the things that would bring us joy or happiness.

In most cases, the fear of the pain it may bring, is more powerful than the thoughts of success.

We unconsciously process the downsides to situations, with hundreds of “what ifs” channeling through our minds, quickly gauging the amount of pain, or suffering the situation could bring, and then unconsciously snapping back into our comfort zone. Erasing the idea from thought, and moving on, in our perceived bubble/safe zone.

The Surprising part of it all, is that 95% of the things we fear, aren’t justifiably real.

Most of the “What ifs?” are over exaggerated instances based on past experiences or fictional outcomes.

Not to worry though, before you are finished reading this post, you will know how to identify these fears, and you will be armed with the ammunition to confront and overcome them!

Let’s take a quick step back and learn a little about fear, and then we can talk about a few techniques to help overcome them.

We are actually only born with 2 fears. Fear of Loud Noises and Fair of Falling. These are build into your DNA, and are passed down through generations as a survival mechanism. Their purpose is to keep us alive, by alerting us to potential dangers, and motivating us to avoid them.

This means, all the other fears were acquired at some point in our lives. An event in our life or someone else’s life has associated pain or danger to what ever it is we fear. So now we are strongly motivated to avoid these things, and the emotions they bring.

Just like anything else you have learned along the way, these things can be unlearned or overwritten, once you become aware that they aren’t justifiably real.

There are three main types of fear. Internal, External, and subconscious.

External Fears are the most easily recognized. They are caused by something outside of us, that we are strongly motivated to avoid. Some of these can be categorized as Phobias. For example: fear of flying, spiders, small spaces etc are all external fears. And most of the time these are a result of a negative experience in the past. These fears are often valid because it helps to protect ourselves from harm. In these cases the possibility of perceived harm or imminent danger, originates from something “outside” of us.

Internal Fears are usually things triggered by external factors, however internal fears are not specific to any circumstance, and are due to internal emotions. This can make these fears difficult to recognize.

Internal fears manifest as fear of failure, fear of success, fear of rejection, lack of self worth and doubt. These fears usually prevents us from even trying, because we think it will just bring more pain or suffering if we have a negative outcome.

Subconscious Fears are similar to internal fears, except subconscious fears are believed to be a part of who we really are. Subconscious fears develop into limiting beliefs.

Limiting beliefs filter how we see the world. An example of a limiting belief would be the thought of not being intelligent enough to amount to anything great, because you didn’t finish high school. Limiting beliefs usually try to convince you that you’re not good enough to do something.

Because they are beliefs, they are hard to recognize and eliminate. Sometimes what we think is true about our self, is just an irrational belief.

If you have read my previous post “Mind Control : The prologue to success” you might have guessed that the key to overcoming fear lies within our subconscious programming.

As is, our reaction to the things we fear is automatic. We don’t stop and think, “geee there is a king cobra slithering towards me, should I stay or run? (unless you have been trained/programmed to deal with snakes) ” No we just react, at least I know I would!

This reaction is our Fight or Flight survival mechanism. And until we can reprogram this subconscious reaction, we will never be able to overcome the things we fear.

This is never an easy process, and may take repeated exposure to the things we fear. After we have confronted the fear a few times without suffering the harm or pain we expected, we will become desensitized to the thing we once feared.

Many of the things we fear are caused by ignorance. We are afraid of the unknown. When our brain gets a few pieces of the puzzle, it automatically fills in rest based on our conditioning.

for example. “You were caught red ___, trying to butter her __. What’s the matter, cat got your ___?” Your brain fills in the gaps so it can understand the whole sentence. Same principle applies when we don’t have all the information. We begin to worry about something, our brain fills in the gaps, and before you know it, we imagine things that may not happen, or even have the possibility of happening.

So the first step of overcoming any fear is going to be Identifying exactly what it is you are afraid of. For Example, people who are afraid of flying, aren’t actually afraid of being on the plane and flying, they are afraid of the plane crashing and dying as a result.

So our first step will be to Identify the specific fear or thing driving the fear.

We then move on to desensitizing it and overcoming it. Before this however, we have to have a strong desire to do it.

To help this desire, write down why you want to overcome this fear. What negative impact has it had on your life? How would conquering this fear change your life? The bigger the benefits, the more energy you will invest in overcoming the fear.

 Now let’s talk about a few awesome ways of confronting your fears.

Immediate Exposure technique.
This technique is often recommended but cautioned. It requires facing the fear by exposing yourself to it immediately and intensively. It is cautioned because it causes high anxiety, and panic, as you confront the fear head on. This would be like taking someone that’s afraid of heights sky diving, or sticking someone on stage in front of millions, that’s afraid of public speaking. If successful you would be immediately desensitized to the fear, however if a traumatic experience happens as a result of this, it would only confirm or further rationalize why you were afraid of this in the first place.

Be sure that you are absolutely ready to do anything it takes and continue to do it, until you have overcame this fear, before diving head first into this technique.

The next Technique is Gradual Exposure.

This technique often requires someone to help through the process, or strong self accountability. It takes place over a series of steps, which increases intensity of exposure, as you become more comfortable facing the fear.

The idea is to gradually desensitize yourself by initially starting in a non-threatening situation, and then building up over time to slightly more and more threatening instances, until you eventually reach your goal of overcoming the fear.

Along with these two methods here are a few methods to overcome fears easily.

One of my favorites (probably because of the name lol)
Progressive Collapse (not like in building collapsing!)

Progressing Collapse is best described as the “and then what?” technique. It takes the worst case scenario in any situation, and then ask. “and then what?”

For example I’m driving home as I realize my one of my headlights is out. I can either start to become fearful, and paranoid about every cop looking car behind me, as I nervously grip the steering wheel, or I can apply this technique.

I’m afraid to get pulled over..
and then what? well the cop is going to ask me if I know why I’m being pulled over?
and then what? I tell him I just realized it went out.
and then what? He can give me a ticket.
and then what? I’m going to have to pay it or go to court.
and then what? I can get a fine, which I have to pay.
and then what? Less money to do blah but I’ll be fine..

So worst case scenario it might cost me some money. Know what, so is having a nice dinner with friends, that’s not so bad. Proceed to turning the music back up, and cruising home..

Most of the things we fear aren’t so bad, once we progress the storyline, they collapse onto themselves and we realize, it wasn’t that big of a deal to begin with.

Changing the Movie in your Mind. Is also another useful technique. In most cases our mind conjures up pictures, sounds, or feelings of negative events or consequences when we encounter our fears. Try to associate something a little brighter or funnier into these pictures. Maybe your favorite song, or comedian. This will reduce the impact the fear has on us. Our fears are only as powerful as its representation in our minds.

Reframe : Depending on how nice of a frame you put on a picture, it can make that picture look immensely better. With the opposite effect using a crappy frame on a nice picture.

How we look at a situation determines how we will respond to it. By looking at something bad, as a lesson learned, or awareness created. We reframe that result, which makes it less threatening, and instead a benefit to us.

Circle of Power : Think of a time in which you were greatly successful. Maybe it was an award you receive, or some kind of recognition in something you are awesome at. Remember how you felt, remember the confidence you had. And in your mind create a circle beneath your feet that takes you back to that moment. Now when going into a fearful situation, step into that circle. Feel that confidence of being awesome, and then take that power with you, as you face that fear! Over the years I’ve personally wore different tokens of power, which I would use to channel my inner confidence  whenever I needed it. Use what ever works best for you.

FEAR : False Evidence Appearing Real. Remember 95% of the things we fear, are only illusions created by our minds, to try and protect us. It isn’t the actual reality of it. Fear is the biggest cancer in today’s society, and when we become courageous, we break barriers!

In the past, Doctors (These guys are smart people!) said that it was impossible to run a sub 4 minute mile, because the human body couldn’t handle it. And for years many runners were in fear of pain an injury, which limited their minds from allowing them to do so. Roger Bannister understood how the mind works, and when he broke that 4 minute mile unscathed, many followed in his footsteps.

Let’s Break those barriers, and reach new heights in our lives! Let’s conquer those fears, and unlock our true potential!

Until next time friends!

Andre Taylor

~Born for Greatness, Live to Become Legendary!~

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Goals:Breaking the barriers

Mind Control : The Prologue to Success

Have you ever been addicted to anything? Smoking, drinking, caffeine, drugs, sex, love?

Have you ever tried quitting that addiction?

No matter how hard you push forward, there is something pulling you back. The sense of familiarly, the comfort in its warmth, the at home feeling in its doing.

You know the light at the tunnel will be better for you, but it seems so far and so desolate, the path so uncomfortable and so unfamiliar.

Every time you partake in the addiction, it brings you back to feeling safe, but once the seconds of comfort fades, you realize how desperate you need to break that habit. For your time grows short and you know history will soon sweep you under the rugs of the forgotten, unless you break these chains. These chains of failure.

Failure is an addiction. It is the path of least resistance. The path to victory is uncomfortable, it forces us to grow, forces us to change, and forces us to reprogram our minds.

That nagging voice in the back of our heads that begs us to stay within the realms of familiarity, that is our subconscious.

Programmed since childhood, programmed by our environment, our elders, our experiences.

Some say all men are created equal, we all have the same ability, potential, I agree. What we do not have however, is the same subconscious programming.

We wonder how some people have the drive they do, how they accomplish things others couldn’t even dream of dreaming about.

Thus lies within our master program. Thus lies within our subconscious.

The good thing is, like any good computer, our operating system can be upgraded, reformed, polished, and repurposed.

We can take control of the mind, and reprogram it to drive us for success, even while we are unconscious of its efforts, even while we sleep!

Ever had something you were working on, a question, or a problem you were trying to solve. You thought long and hard about the solution but nothing, and then randomly whilst you were doing something totally different. Bam! The answer came to you.

Amazing isn’t it? Our subconscious continues to process any thought or thought process given to it. Amazing yes, but can be destructive to our well being, if left lingering on negative thinking. Working 1000 times as much as our active thoughts, it’s like putting a 9 year old behind the wheel of 1000 horse power vehicle, and telling him “have fun!”

So the big question is, how do we change our programming?

There is no easy answer to this question. Before we can even begin to rewrite the code, we need to understand some basics of how the operating system works.

There is allot of things we do today, or allot of thoughts we have, that we have no idea why we do or have them. Whether it’s something that slipped by us unconsciously, or something programmed into us by the environment (media, friends, anything exposed to).

There are many many articles and books about the subconscious mind, the differences between the conscious mind, and how it all connects. Marketing and media specialist know these things, they know how to bypass your active defenses or believe systems and get right to your subconscious. I urge you to at least know how to direct your own sails, how to understand your own master program. To begin that process I will share what I’ve learned.

The Conscious mind.
The actively thinking mind, intellectual mind, educated mind.

The Subconscious mind.
The automatic mind, the supercomputer, the master program, controller of our body functions, our emotions, and reflexes.

Naturally the subconscious mind is much much more powerful than our active thinking, egotistic, prideful, will power driven, conscious mind. And until you get it onboard with what you are trying to accomplish, the battle will be a steep incline upwards.

Fortunately for us, the subconscious runs with whatever the conscious mind commands it to do.

So here are a few quick steps on how to align your subconscious with what you want to consciously achieve.

Step 1. Trust your subconscious. It is a powerful hyper thinking machine at our disposal, it reminds us of our non negotiables, and provides wisdom to the things we are resisting. Learn to listen to it. Find time to be quite and actively try to understand what this super computer is doing.

Step 2. Get specific with what you want. Interview the subconscious, it’s a far more intelligent version of you than you think you are. Find out the details of what’s holding you back, and what you gain or lose from moving forward.

Step 3. Make a promise, make a commitment. You want your subconscious on your side, you need to work with it and not against it. What ever it is that’s down the path of success that you fear, if it is something you will not sacrifice, then make a promise to yourself. If becoming successful means “less time with my friends” or “less freedom to do _____” then I will not continue. By doing this we can be more open to the idea of pushing forward.

Step 4. Surround yourself with success stories. Find people that have gone down that path before, we must convince the subconscious that it is possible, and give it something to work towards. If we truly believe we can do great things, so will our subconscious. Visualization is a great tool for becoming more familiar with successful feelings.
Step 5. Reaffirm. Constantly remind yourself of the end result. How it will feel when you get there, the promise you made to yourself. Have something to remind you to do this whenever it is comfortable. Right before bed or right after workout or meditation are good times to access the subconscious.

We have just scratched the surface of understanding and reprogramming the subconscious to be onboard with what we are aiming to accomplish, but I hope this provides some insight or at least got you interested in learning more. I know I am definitely going to be researching and pushing to master my personal supercomputer, and I hope you all do the same!

Until next time friends!

Andre Taylor

~Born for Greatness, Live to Become Legendary!~

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Goals:Breaking the barriers

Relationships : The secret formula

This has been a topic I have wanted to write about for some time now. I recommend that everyone reads this blog at least 10 times! (including myself) This way we can all learn and grow together.

I’m going to skip the story telling this time and dive right into the content.

Before we can even scratch the surface of this topic, let’s take a look at how it works.

To preference, this can apply to any relationship in your life, whether intimate, family, professional, or friendship. For the purpose of this blog we will focus on the intimate driven ones.

 Common Formula :

Two people meet, and they begin to learn about each other. As they focus on the things they like about that person, whether it’s physical, occupational, intellectual, whatever that may be, they begin to become more and more attracted to that person. As they become attracted, through continuous interaction, they fall in love and everything is awesome! Some time goes by, and the amazing things they love about the person become less apparent as the annoying things start to rise and take their place. Soon the focus shifts towards the things they can’t stand about the person and the feeling of warmth and love turns to resentment and annoyance. It then inevitably crashes into a wall, as the two decides it’s no longer going to work and it’s time to move on.

Unfortunately this is a cycle that many people go through, over and over and over again, through their entire lives!

This formula can be easily altered by communication, and alteration. However it is a challenge to communicate most of the times, and you shouldn’t have to alter who you are to make someone else happy, (meet them half way, yes when it applies, but no changing who you are)

So let’s get into what I really want to talk about, let’s break down relationships into a few segments and find out how this “secret formula” works.

1. Meeting the right person.

2. Establishing the right foundation.

3. Working through the tough times TOGETHER.

4. Keeping it fresh!

#1 Meeting the right person

Many relationships are doomed for failure before they even start, and allot of times we know it, but hell let’s just have some fun right?

I’m going to further break this down into sub segments.

1A. Relationship Social Value

This is the underlying thing we all think about, but no one ever explains.

Think of it like this:

At your job who would you rather have a conversation with the person who is always late, and always do a crappy job or the owner of the company?

At the bar, the attractive person over on the other side, making all his/her  friends laugh or the miserable looking person drinking him/herself to oblivion.

I can bet 9 out of 10 people chose the owner and the attractive person.

Why? Every conversation or interaction has an underlying value, and you are either taking away or adding to it. A wealthy business man feels like he looses value when he talks to a drunk bum on the street (and actual value if he gives in and gives him some cash), however put a super hot model in front of him and even though she might be just as broke as the bum or even less intelligent he feels like he’s gaining value. Why? Because having a beautiful woman at his side, makes him look more intelligent, wealthier, funnier, more handsome, more seducing, or whatever else our perception tells us about him.

By now this is probably starting to make more sense. There are a few books out there that explains it a little better, I can’t for the life of me think of them at the moment but they are out there! lol

I say all this to give one point. Understanding where you are on the social value chain, will help you meet better matches. Look at yourself in the mirror, think about how smart you are, how well you dress, the size of your bank account(yes it matters), your conversational skills, and then give yourself a FAIR rating. Once you have done that, then pursue the people who are closer to you (a little bit higher) on that scale and you will most likely have better relationships. Aim too high and you will probably have your feelings hurt, too low and you will always feel like you can do better.

With all that said, don’t cut yourself short, you don’t have to be a 10 physically to be rated highly, you are combination of many things, let your strengths lead the way!

1.B Align yourself correctly.

This could be a huge topic itself, but I will summarize.

Most likely if you are doing the things you love to do (even if it’s by yourself) you will also meet people who are doing the things they love to do, o look! you like what I like! Love at first sight!

As much as you want to meet and be with that awesome person, if you haven’t created the space for them, they cant fit in…. So if you are a workaholic, if you walk down the sidewalk with your face glued to your smartphone, if you stay inside all day on your days off. Guess who you AREN”T going to meet? You guessed it! that awesome person you been wanting to.

Be who and where you wan’t to be and the universe will bring the person you want to have into your life. (I’m taking notes on this part) lol

On to #2  Establishing the right foundation.

This is where most people make a mistake, sometimes we floor the gas pedal and forget to slow down the interaction and “really” get to know each other. I’ve been guilty (you know it’s hard to think, when you are wearing that skirt! lol)

If a relationship was founded on, or built on sex, guess what happens after the sex high wears off? probably not a whole lot of anything.

I’ve often hear long time couples say, their wife/husband is their best friend. I got a best friend I joke with all the time, I tell her I’m going to steal her away from her boyfriend. (who knows ‘evil smirk’ I still might lol)  It’s a wonderful thing when you can talk to your mate about anything. When you can share all the horrors and delights of your life with them. It makes every interaction you have that much better. Here is a tip, try to find a best friend that you are attracted to (just don’t do the whole friend zone thing) And you will probably find your life long co adventurer! If you are already in a relationship, slow it down and learn more about that person, what makes them happy, what makes them excited, and share yours with them.

3. Working through the tough times TOGETHER.

“Where ever attention goes…. it GROWS..”

Tough time’s can be created internally or influenced externally. The external ones require holding each others hands and pushing through! The external ones comes from all angles, money, society, weather, etc etc. It should be a me and you vs the universe if it comes down to it, mentality that you have with your mate.

Few quick point outs.

Stop listening to everyone else about YOUR relationship.

Stop airing out your dirty laundry with them, I know, I know you need to vent, cool, vent without the details…..It’s hard to go back to your friend and say, “O I was wrong about what I complained about last night, I realized I was just overreacting, and that he’s an awesome boyfriend” 10 hours after you told them how much of an ass he is.  Along with the fact that most of your friends are only going to agree with you, and side with you, when you are auto piloting into an emotional response.  There are a few people out there (like myself) that will tell you like it is. However we are rare 🙂

Now the ones that are created internally comes from focus. Back to the quote above, What ever you focus on or show appreciation for will become more apparent and grow. So if you are always telling your mate how angry you make them when they do this, or how disappointing you are when they don’t do that. You are highlighting it red and pinning it onto your fridge, well guess what you are going to see whenever you walk into the kitchen.. how long will you put up with that sight before you take it down?

Now lets flip that analogy, what if it’s pictures of the vacation they took you on, or that tour, or that dinner, or how they always make you smile by doing this, or how thoughtful they are when they don’t do that. How much more warmth do you feel? Every man or woman wan’ts to do more when they know the person on the other end is overjoyed and feel loved because of it.

Focus on the good things and the negative ones will seamlessly fall away. 

People normally take the path of least resistance and if they have someone that makes them happy, who continually do things to make them smile, all the other suitors will fade into the background, and they will focus more on reciprocating.

4. Keeping it fresh!

I often tell my married friends to take some time away from the kids every now and then, and have some husband and wife time. Kids are awesome, yes. However being a mommy and daddy can sometimes cloud the image of being a husband and wife. It is important to continually build the marriage while building the family.

Same thing applies to any relationship, taking time away from the world to call that old buddy, hang out with that cousin, chat with that parent. Whatever that interaction may be, it helps to grow and reestablish that awesome friendship you had to begin with

Relationships are like a trees, you plant the seeds, water them, nurture them, help them to grow, and you will continually benefit from their  fruit as they branch out and become a centerpiece of your lovely home. (I know… I need to water a few of my trees lol )

To Conclude, remember to align yourself with the right people, be in the right environment to meet those people, focus on the great things they bring to the table, then keep it fresh by spending time with them.

On this crazy planet we call home, it is important to focus on the people and relationships that makes us happy. It is also important to eliminate the ones that don’t. It is after all a two way street, and if all that person does is nag and complain despite your focus, maybe it’s time to let that tree lose a few leaves.

With all that said I hope this post can remind us on how to establish and develop those awesome relationships.

I hope everyone had a great time celebrating the holidays, and stay tuned for my next post, it will be focused on slowing down the years and getting the most out of your days.

Happy Holidays all, and Enjoy the new year celebration!

Till next time friends.

Andre Taylor

~Born for Greatness! Live to become Legendary!~

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